Hang on to the railing of your yatcht, ladies, because Season 11 of Real Housewives of New York is back on Wednesday, March 6th at 9 pm est. Shit, undoubtedly, indubitably, unquestionably is about to go down (again). The ladies, having survived the boat ride from hell to bring us a new vacation getaway (Miami!), a new castmate, and a new fresh look at Sonja Morgan’s boobs! Let’s set sail.
Where we left off
JOVANIIII!! JOVANI!! The finale ended at Luann’s hashtagged cabaret #TheCountessandFriends, with Dorinda heckling the performance in the name of clothing brand Jovani. In a petty war, it would have been sweet revenge if Luann would have pranced into the reunion wearing (Dorinda voice) Jovani, but instead, she was… in rehab.
The real drama at the reunion was between all the cast members and Bethenny (This show is nothing if not consistent!). Carole Radziwill, who is no longer the one sane human on the reality show, is not friends with Bethenny anymore and the rest of the cast followed her lead. Ramona and Bethenny fought over who the real tycoon is: Bethenny’s SkinnyGirl or Romano’s Ageless by Ramona. What both refused to acknowledge is that neither can hold a candle to the international lifestyle brand that is Sonja Morgan: she launched a very good clothing line and still has that toaster oven in the works that’s either going to change the food industry (doubtful!) or be recalled upon release (that sounds right!).
What happened in between
Sadly, Bethenny’s on-again-off-again boyfriend Dennis Shields passed away this past summer. Bethenny has remained strong given the sad circumstances, but we definitely think she will address the loss this season.
Tinsley is a single lady with a second apartment. The former socialite got a second hotel room for her curling irons, bows, bejeweled tights, and Carrie Bradshaw-inspired tutus.
Ramona has been seen frolicking around the beach with the Faye Resnick of NY, Jill Zarin. It’s also been reported she has a volatile relationship with the castmate, Barbara Kavovit. Let those crazy eyes roll, R.
No new friends
Let’s talk Babs, the Bronx-born businesswoman who was cast to replace Carole. We can see the newbie kissing her fellow housewives in the latest trailer so it seems like things are off to a great start, to be honest.
Jill Zarin will also probably be there. Jill Zarin is always there.
Sh*t will hit the fan
All we can do is hope and pray that they will continue to talk about the nightmare boat trip. It’s like in Titanic when the ship was sinking and the band kept playing. The Housewife boat might be rocking, but never stop filming.
Luann Will Offend All
Blackface de Lesseps can’t stop talking about how she went to prison and now is a cabaret singer. We get it: You are a rich white woman moving through the criminal justice system and have a complicated relationship with reality and the truth. It’s nothing to brag about, and yet somehow she will do it for 42 minutes each week.
Dorinda will Dorinda
The hostess with the mostess will make it nice, blackout, and then scream at her closest female friends. The queen of mess will definitely come up with a few more one-liners, hopefully, while wearing, of course, dry-clean fresh Jovani.
Luann de Lesseps: “I plead guilty…to being fabulous.”
I was arrested earlier this year and my children are suing me. LOLZ.
Ramona Singer: “The only thing I’ll settle for is more.”
I don’t get it. Is this a jab about Mario? Who does she think settled? Can she date Tom again for drama?
Sonja Morgan: “People call me over the top, but lately I prefer being a bottom.”
Sonja Morgan is nothing if she is not problematic.
Tinsley Mortimer: “Game, set, now, I need a match.”
I don’t get it, part two. Is this a reference to her playing tennis and dating? Are these the settings on her 1-inch curling iron?
Bethenny Frankel: “When life gives me limes, I make margaritas.”
I like it. This tagline is brought to you by SkinnyGirl margaritas.
Dorinda Medley: “If you’ve got a problem with me, it’s your problem!”
Dorinda go home, you’re drunk.
- Dorinda drinks
- Luann glamorizes her crumbling life/unintentionally sheds light on the failures of the criminal justice system
- Tinsley wears her hair straight
- Jill Zarin stirs the pot
- Sonja shows off her boobs
- Bethenny tells someone to go to sleep
- The housewives dress for summer in the dead of winter or dress for winter in the dead of summer
- John carries in dry cleaning
- A housewife dog poops and no one cleans it up
- Dorinda drinks again
- Sonja lowers the stock price of JP Morgan with her web of lies
- Avery makes a cameo
- Luann doesn’t sing on camera because she can’t
- Skinnygirl products are featured in the background